ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
