i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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