I'm so fucking centered right now
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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