i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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