No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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