there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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