and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I love having hate sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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