Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
