We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
