Define "chronic" masturbator.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
