is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
