sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
