glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
