I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
