its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Life is so much better after having sex.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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