you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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