omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize