dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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