Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
