Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
