It's Friday. Sex?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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