Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I will die if light touches me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize