Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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