So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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