I just cut my nipple shaving
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
