He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
