I will die if light touches me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
