Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
