i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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