the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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