i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
