if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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