I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize