i think my tv is drunk
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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