Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
