I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
