We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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