When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
