And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
