i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
