You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
