he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
