i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
