17 year olds will be the death of me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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