do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
