you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize