i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
