dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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