i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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