Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
