Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
