walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
