Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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