How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
