there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
