if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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