if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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