i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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