he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
