i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
