she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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