i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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