The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
