The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
