Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
