I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
