Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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