I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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