after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
