if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
