I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
