so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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