How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
