someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
