he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
