The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
