is your mom at the bar?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
