So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
