their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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