May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
