My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
