Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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