i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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