just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize