She announced her abortion via fbk
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
