you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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