She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
